“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply”, said Stephen Covey.
Quite true isn’t it?
In today’s fast-paced world, where each one of us is striving to be the best at what we do – that time when we feel the urge to pitch in too quickly at that meeting, or spurt out solutions at that presentation, or jump right into our ideas at that team meeting, we may have mastered the art of speaking or putting our thoughts across, but have we lost focus on the other as-important half of the coin – our ability to LISTEN?
Imagine you’re at that round table, playing a game of poker on a Friday night. You’ve got a great hand, but, would you ever show your entire hand to your opponent? I sure hope not!
What you do is play a card at a time, waiting for the person across to play his or hers while you plan your next move… Listening is as simple as this. You play an idea, or present an idea one at a time while you ‘listen’ to what the other person/persons are saying.
So first, all you’ve got to do is shift your focus. Shift your focus by shining that spotlight on the other person, let’s call them your ‘Conversation Partner’, CP for short. This means that the stage now becomes theirs – you let them do the all talking while you listen.
How do you listen – now here comes your 3 – Step Secret to being a POWER LISTENER.
Step 1: The 80/20 Rule
It’s common perception that effective communication is all about doing the talking. Well that’s a long lost myth. In fact today, the most effective communicator is the person who does the least talking and most of the listening and navigation of the conversation. The 80/20 Rule helps you do just this.
The rule is pretty simple, it’s a variation of the famous Pareto Principle.
You LISTEN 80% of the time. Focus on what your CP is saying – all ears in. The 20% of when you decide to pitch in will be in these 3 circumstances:
- When you want to add context to what the person is saying
- When you feel your CP is digressing from the topic, bring him/her back
- When you can add value
This gives you the ability to collect as much input from your CP, that will help you strategize and play that next card, or navigate the conversation effectively.
Step 2: Keep your Focus/Cut out the Clutter
The key to mastering the 80/20 rule is to focus – pay attention to what your CP is saying.
Did you know the attention span of the human mind is 8 seconds? Imagine that!
Our minds tend to love to wander especially when quiet. All of a sudden you may find yourself looking out the window, or thinking about lunch, or contemplating how to finish work on time, or watching people around you. You’ve got to learn to Cut-It-Out!
Bring yourself back to the conversation.
Focus your attention solely on getting the right information. A few things that help:
- Being the Master of Questions (MOQ): Ask the right questions that will help you effectively navigate the conversation
- Being the Director of your Movie: Take yourself out of the scene and watch it like you are the Directing that scene, this will give you a holistic view of what is working and what isn’t, and will help you steer the conversation towards an effective outcome
Step 3: Sort out the Chaos
Once you’ve collected all your information, your last step is to Sort it out!
Sieve your information.
Categorize this information your mental drawers of your mind, or take physical notes,
and discard what you do not need or save the information for a later time.
This will give you clarity in your thought process which translate into clarity in your communication.
And voila! With these 3 steps you’ve now learnt the art being a Power Listener!
Remember, the more you practice with different CP’s the quicker these 3 steps come more naturally to you and the next time you’re in that meeting, or that presentation, and you’re in a rush to speak out, remember these 3 steps and LISTEN.